Just Don’t.

Everyone’s Facebook wall (or blog or Insta or whatever) is their own to do with as they please. I’d never argue otherwise. But telling someone “if you don’t like it, leave” when an image gives them an actual panic attack is pretty unkind, and telling them that your fear & pain is more valid than theirs is shitty as fuck.

Manipulating someone else’s pain to try and assuage your own is even more shitty as fuck.

And justifying that by implying that it’s ok because they’re not your friend is the most shitty as fuck of all.

Nobody wins the Pain Olympics.

Always try to follow Wheaton’s Law.

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How You Treat People Matters

Originally posted on July 28, 2020.

All y’all SCAdians, come listen to me now.

How I see you treat people, whether in the SCA or in modern-day settings, is 100% gonna affect my counsel to the Crown and my fellow pelicans.

How I see you react to how other people are treated, whether in the SCA or in modern-day settings is 100% gonna affect my counsel to the Crown and my fellow pelicans.

I get that there was a time when folks were more successful in separating their modern lives from their SCA lives. That time doesn’t exist anymore.

And let me tell you something:

You really weren’t fooling anyone anyway. You are who you tell us you are, and you always have done.

So, carry on, as you will.

Words are Hard

Originally published June 4, 2020.

At work, I’m a manager, and a portfolio lead. I do my job with words.

In my personal coaching & mentoring efforts, I do my job with words.

In the SCA, I’m a clerk, an advisor, an administrator, a mentor, and a leader. I do my job with words.

And words are so very very hard.

I messed up today, and I’m sorry. I’m not going to call the person I offended out, because that’s putting more work on them. They know who they are, and I hope they see this.

I will delete -every- comment that gets made here, because I’m not looking for absolution or encouragement from all of my friends. I know you’re supporting me. This post isn’t about me. It’s about recognition of mistakes, and trying to do better. Please respect this.

The point of this post is to say this:

Words are hard. Be careful with them. Think about how what you’re saying affects the people you’re saying them to.

I read what I’ve written above, and I already know that I’m not saying it right. It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry, and I’ll try to do better.

The Broken Pot

Originally published February 2, 2018.

I saw the story below as a comment in a group I’m in. Tonight, it speaks to me.

Your cracks and flaws do not make you broken. They are what make you you.

I did not write this story.

The Broken Pot

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on an end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the masters house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his masters house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.

“I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.”
“Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?”
“I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your masters house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts.” the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the masters house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.”

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the Pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pots side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my masters table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.”