Rouse You at the Name of Crispian!

This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say ‘To-morrow is Saint Crispian:’
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say ‘These wounds I had on Crispin’s day.’

It’s all Life

There is no SCA life vs
Real life vs Work life.
There’s just… Life

To me, it’s especially relevant, in this Age… this Epoch of Covid, when we’re doing many of the SCA activities left to us from our desks in front of our computers, but it’s always been a truism, I suspect. As I’ve pursued my journey along the Path, different aspects have had more or less of an impact, depending on what’s going on, but at its root, when things are great, there’s no drama, and things aren’t great, well, it all sucks.

Life is what happens to you while you’re living it. The emotional turmoil you feel when you have an argument with your Peer, or when you get a bad score on an A&S entry isn’t made less valid because you happen to be wearing funny clothes at the time. When someone is mean to you in the SCA, it hurts just as much as when someone is mean to you at your job, or the supermarket. Indeed, sometimes the emotional scrapes and bruises we suffer in the SCA hurt more; many of us refer to our closest friends in the SCA as “Family of Choice” or comparable phrases. And while it’s true that SCA Royalty doesn’t have the lawful right to command soldiers to die, or to levy taxes, or imprison people, the social construct of the SCA emphasizes rank even in what we often pretend is modern egalitarian society.

This stuff matters.
And that’s okay.

In the end, stuff is just stuff, but the experiences and the relationships you have are what make you you. So don’t let anyone tell you that what happens at an SCA event isn’t real, or isn’t important.

Life is also what you do. And this is the part that you’re most responsible for: your own actions.

Here’s the thing: sure, people in the SCA take on a “persona name,” and several people construct elaborate backstories about who their persona was, where they were born, how much a silver penny was worth, etc. And that induces folks to think that they’re playing a character — IE, they’re “cosplaying” their persona. And I have no doubt that there are some people who do that, who act somewhat differently from their work persona, or their football fan persona. And there are people like me, who have a name, cause that’s fun, and wear (mostly (sometimes)) a certain kind of garb, and that’s the breadth and depth of it for us.

But in the end, it doesn’t matter if we’re play-acting, educating and learning, sport-fighting, hanging out, and/or just looking to get laid. The foundation of who we are at heart doesn’t change.

And this is the meat of it:

If you’re a racist, or a homophobe, or a bigot, or a misogynist, or you hate catholics, or muslims in your “real” life? You aren’t going to be able to leave that at the gate. (Our BIPOC friends aren’t able to leave the color of their skin or their ethnicity at the gate either.) And if you can’t leave it at the gate? You will, eventually, slip up, and show your true self.

You are
who you tell us
you are.

The governing documents call for all SCA participants to live up to the Code of Conduct. And if you are a racist, or a homophobe, or a bigot, or a sexist, or if you hate catholics or muslims? You’re not doing that. Heck, if you’re just being a big jerk you’re not doing that.

You cannot be a racist and be a good knight.
You cannot be a homophobe and be a good pelican.
You cannot be a misogynist and be a good sovereign.

Because life is just life. And you can’t really be someone different just because of the clothes you’re wearing.

As for Goodness

As for Goodness – you yourself desire rank and standing; then help others to get rank and standing. You want to turn your own merits to account; then help other to turn their to account – in fact, the ability to take one’s own feelings as a guide: that is the sort of thing that lies in the direction of Goodness.

Lúnyŭ (Analects)

Make Sure They Have Enough

Originally posted December 23, 2019. I’m publishing it now, because whoa, relevant.

Louis CK turned out to be a burning trash dumpster of a person, but this sentiment still stands, and I tell my boys this all the time. You only worry about your neighbor’s bowl to make sure that they have enough.

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As Jadwiga said on the original post, “Don’t discount a truth just because you don’t like the person saying it.”

(Offer not valid for Orson Scott Card & JK Rowling.)

Keep Looking Ahead

I run (or maybe I shamble? Sure, that’s a good descriptor) and I use an app that has several guided runs, where the pre-recorded Coach gives you little pep talks and advice as your phone. I’ve run some of the runs more than once — and honestly, the guy isn’t that inventive — but there are a few concepts that keep standing out for me.

Here’s two related concepts to ponder today:

The past is set.

What’s done is done, whether you did it two minutes ago, yesterday, or last millennium. Pending a Madman in a box, Bill & Ted in a Phone Booth, or ready access to a Klingon Bird of Prey, you aren’t going to be able to go back and change it.

And in most cases, it probably wouldn’t be good if you could anyway. We are constructed, layer by layer, of our experiences. Taking those experiences away changes who you are. But we can’t. So while it’s important to think about your experiences, and unpack what they do for or to you, constantly pondering “what might have been” is an exercise in exasperation.

Learn from the past. Change from who you were if you need to. But you can’t change it.

It’s harder to look over your shoulder than look ahead.

Of course, this comment is in the context of running – but it’s also not in the context of running. It’s really in the context of moving. If you’re moving forward, and you keep looking back over your shoulder, what’s going to happen?

You’re going to run into something in front of you, is what’s going to happen.

Look, I know what you’re thinking. “Pot, meet kettle.” It’s true, I’ve agonized over things that happened in the past — things I was responsible for, things that were done to me, things that were accidents or mistakes, things that were purposeful.

But never forget that old Vulcan proverb: “Only Nixon could go to China.” I can sit here and type these words in, because boy, howdy, do I know of what I speak.

When you’re actually running, and you try to run looking over your shoulder, you have to literally twist yourself to do it. It throws off your running form, you’re no longer looking where you’re going, it impedes your breathing, it generally screws you up.

So what do you think you’re doing to your mental, emotional state when you do the same thing in your head?

Sometimes, you just have to let things go.

As always, let me know what you think in the comments.

Unbelieving Compassion

Whatever Deities that may exist no longer reach down with their fingers or burning bushes in direct action. Look around you. See who needs help. Help them.

Act with the compassion of surety of someone who does not believe in a higher power, but in the needs of the people around them.

And when someone directly helps you, don’t thank a deity. Thank the person themselves.

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It Doesn’t Have to be Like This

Originally published as two separate posts on April 6 and April 7, 2018. I have chosen to republish it now, because it remains very relevant in September of 2020.

Today I worked from home, but left in the afternoon to come down to a going away party for another SingleHopper.

Getting into Union Station at 5pm means you’re the one late salmon swimming upstream, so I walked a slightly different way to get out of the station, which means I came out slightly more west than I normally do. As I headed north, west of the river, I came upon a young man, somewhere in his 20s, clearly homeless, cold, hungry, sitting on the freezing ground, and wracked with body-shaking sobs of despair.

And of course, since it was just after five, there were hundreds of people walking past him, ignoring or pretending to ignore him.

I was late to the party. I could have kept walking. I almost did keep walking, but I stopped instead.

I actually had a few dollar bills – not enough, of course, but I got them out to give to him. And I knelt down next to him and touched him on the arm to try to reach through his sorrow, and the first, ridiculous, heartbreaking thing he said to me was,

“I’m sorry. I’ve been so depressed.”

And part of me wanted to laugh in disbelief, and part of me wanted to weep in horror.

So I swallowed all of that, and gave him the money and asked him if I could buy him something to eat, which he turned down because someone had given him some granola bars earlier that day.

I tried to convince him to let me get him something, but he wouldn’t budge, and just because you’re homeless doesn’t mean I get to insist you take more of my charity than you want. So I said “good luck” and went on my way. The party was fun, and I got to see my friends, and we all spent money that probably could have been used better on drinks and ping-pong at the most ridiculous bar.

Of course, I looked for him on the way back to the train, but he wasn’t there. I’ll look for him more. But before I do, I’ll get to sleep in my bed, in my house, with my dearest wife, after checking on my amazing children, and then tomorrow, I’ll go to an event to be with other friends to watch people hit other people with sticks. And I’ll feel simultaneously overjoyed and terribly guilty about it.

But under all of it? Is all this:

Life is short and hard and the black dog always wins in the end. I spend a fair amount of my time bewildered about how and why human beings are terrible to each other.

We are failing as a country. As a people. As a planet. We have got to do better. I didn’t post this so people will tell me how great I am. I’m not. I left him there, and for all I know he’ll be dead before morning. And I left him there anyway.

People think I have no sense of humor. People think I’m too political. People think I waste my time posting memes about overturning the established order. Well, this is partly why. Because sometimes I cannot think of anything else to do.

And I will keep trying. But this post from Jim Wright ties in perfectly.

There are so many empty houses in America, we could house everyone. There’s so much food we could feed everyone. But instead, we’re obsessed with quarterly profits and shareholders.

Sure, I stopped and treated another human being with respect and caring and gave him a couple bucks so he could have some food, but in reality, I should never have had the interaction in the first place. He shouldn’t have been there.

Everyone should have shelter. Everyone should have food. Everyone should have health care.